Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Matrix

Does it really matter if you’re half dead or half alive when you’re lying down the streets, with frost bitten fingers, with no food, no shelter, in a rainy day that has gone so bad?

Does it really matter if you’re half dead or half alive when you don’t know who you are, what you are, or where you should be, in a grey day with no sun shining, after a rainbow stream that has gone so dim that now it can’t be seen?

Does it really matter if you’re half dead or half alive when your heart fails to beat, your lungs fail to breathe, your body fails to slide down the road so steep, just to feel alive under the rays of a rare January sun?

Does it really make that big of a difference when you realize that you’ve been beaten to death, thrown out of a speeding car, down a hill that is paved with rocks at its bottom, with no aid to be provided and no help to be sought?

Does it really matter if you know if the cup is half full or half empty, when you’re half way dead thirsty, and the cup is just out of reach?

Does it really matter to know if you’re half dead or half alive when you’re scrolling down the news feed of a social media network, of no remarkable significance, through a tiny screen of an internet page, and posts of children getting butchered, limbs getting obliterated, houses getting bombed off; some people existing in some place, far far away, being massacred by the money you pay to your government in the form of taxes that you cut out of your salary and you deeply need, come along, yet you act towards the posts, the pictures, the news, and the cartoons, showing the irony of the matter, as if they are not even there. You just scroll down, push a button, come along another post that makes you laugh hysterically and you leave your post, your laptop and the news and pictures, which are crying at your idiocy, their insignificance and disregard!

Does it really matter when you realize and believe that your heart is dead, your emotions are dead, your humanity is dead, what makes you you is all dead and you’re left with fragments of pain and misery, disguised in the form of money and dreams that you beat your fucking ass off to achieve and you suddenly awaken from your delusions to find yourself sleeping under 6 inches of mud, covered in concrete and granite, left alone with no regards to your cries for help, to rot and be food for the parasites that celebrate their new food factory, gifted to them?

Nothing really matters when you’re entrapped in a body that has no function but to imprison you, yet deceives you in the illusion of freedom that it creates, and makes you believe that it really does exist, then makes you fight for it till you die and realize that it was never there, and being free is the ultimate prison that you think you’ve broken out from the more you get lost in its maze.

Monday, 22 September 2014

لغات

تحدثت لغة النجوم حتى وجدت النجوم تبوح باسرارها للمجروحين
تحدثت لغة النجوم حتى انطفء نورها ومات وهجها من الالم
تحدثت لغة النجوم حتى اجدتها و بعدما اجدتها ايقنت انها ليست لغتي
فانا لست بمكسورة، جريحة، تبوح بمكنونات صدرها لاغراب
ولست بضعيفة، تنطفيء شعلتها كلما اشتدت الاوثاق

تحدثت لغة الورود حتى اجدت التمييز بين كل انواعهم
اجدت الفرق بين الوانهم المختلفة و اشكالهم المتنوعة
تحدثت لغة الورود حتى ادركت معانيها المتداخلة
فلكل وردة معنى بهيج واخر مؤلم
تحدثت لغة الورود حتى اكتشفت انها لغة معقدة
وانا لا احب التعقيد، فانا لست بغامضة، انا احب الوضوح و الحرية

تحدثت لغة الطيور، تلك اللغة الشامخة،المحلقة في العنان
لغة حرة، منتطلقة، قوية، فارضة لسلطتها
تحدثت لغة الطيور حتى اختلف علي الامر بين الحرية و القيود
ففي انطلاقة النسور خوف وفي سمو الصقور ضعف
وفي تميز صوت الغربان موت
وانا لست بمحبة لقيود الحرية و لا اتقن هذا التضاد

تحدثت لغة الاغاني، تلك اللغة المشبعة بكل اللغات
لغة الصمت، الموسيقى والكلمات
تحدثت لغة الاغاني حتى اتقنت النوتات جميعا
نوتة الصمت، القوة، الضعف، الحب والشجن
تحدثت لغة الاغاني التي لا تنضب منها الكلمات
فللكلمة معنى و للحرف معنى و للوقفة معنى وللغنوة معنى آخر

تحدثت لغة الاغاني حتي ميزت منها لغة النجوم
و وجدت فيها معاني لغة الورود
تحدثت تلك اللغة حتى كسرت قيود
لغة الطيور الحرة، لغة القوى المطعمة بالضعف القميء

لغة الاغاني تناسبني ما بين وضوحها وغموضها
فوضوحها غامض و سهولتها مثيرة للريبة
و في توهجها الم و في موسيقى موتها حياة
اتقنوا لغة الاغاني، ففي كلامها رموز
اتقنوا لغة الاغاني، فلغتها لغات الكون

Friday, 12 September 2014

Cape

So another day has come and gone
The longest day of the brightening sun
Yet no one called; no one showed
For the funeral of the strongest bird

It used to soar, it used to glide
To shine bright in the morning sky
And glitter with the morning due
As it settles, hidden in the branches

It died alone, sunk in deep
At the end of the horizon of the world
If you raise your sails, you’ll see it
Melting in the dark horizon

Red and blue, like the dark and a glow
The longest day withered so soon
The brightening sun, like an Eagle; high
Enclosed its cape of wild grey on the mourned on world

Like a summer’s breeze, short and soothing
Cold and shivery, the sun went out
The grey went black, and the cape kept stretching
Until there was no more "A Sun" and no more “A World”

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Routine

Another bell ringing
Another day ending
Another day waiting
For the beginning

Another story not told
Another pain foretold
Another evening to be spent
Waiting for the beginning

I go home again
My mom serves me dinner
I sit, I eat, I say thanks, then I leave to my room
With my head bent to my chest

My mom asks, "How was dinner?"
I reply, "Delicious, thanks"
My mom says, "Are you ok?"
And I reply, "Yes"

I go to my room, 
Get my books all opened
I sit and I bend my head to my chest
I'm singing the melancholic melody of derision hopes
"Another day ending,
Waiting for the beginning

Khawater

I can’t imagine myself with a man. There is no one who is good enough. I have loved so many men, but I’ve never been in love but once and it’s broken me.  At the moment, I’m not broken, but I am recovering. I don’t know what I’m recovering from. Maybe my hallucination?! Maybe my hectic imagination? I think that’s the problem, my imagination!

Having so many expectations, very high ones, only lead to wreckage! I don’t know If I’m wrecked or if I’m only cracked and I can heal, or if I’m totally damaged beyond repair. I don’t know!

My sister today told me “how come he loved you, what made him interested in you?” she was joking, she didn’t mean anything. Her joke cut so deep into me that I’m crying from the inside for two hours now. I don’t mean to be rude, neither do I mean being so harsh with others. I’m only scared! Under every hard shell, there is a very tender flesh that is being protected. Inside of every shell, a pearl that is entrapped by its fright! Turtles and shrimps are proof of that! I’m not comparing myself to them, but I’m only trying to make the image closer to what I am, how I am!

I don’t want to be the harsh and dull girl. I'm also unable to be the girly girl. It’s just not me! I’m not that kind of a girl. I’m the one who builds a fortress around herself and fire fucking hell fire on whoever and whatever tries to breach the walls. That’s what I am, how I am!

Sunday, 10 August 2014

Chain (A Short Story)

It is this stone hand that squeezes your heart and strangles your veins, blocking your vessels and chocking your airway; suffocating you. It is this tremble and this shake that prevents your heart from beating, as if you’ve been electrocuted. You’re breathing heavily, if you’re breathing at all, and your eyes are watery as you lose control over yourself; over your body and soul! You’re losing sense of time and getting lost in existence as everything is put on fast forward, they are going very fast that you think they’re being played in slow motion. You’re entrapped in an illusion, which is created by your hallucinating mind, which is providing your body with an excessive amount of adrenaline, making your state of hibernation a state of euphoria! You’re transcending, yet bounded to the ground. You’re dying slowly and being skinned with no anaesthesia, yet you’re numbed, cast out of sensation! You’re crying, screaming with pain; soundlessly! You’re broken, torn apart, shattered, combusting, and bursting; all of them yet nothing of them at all! You’re chained, but you can’t see that you are. The chains are being stretched, pulling you apart, like a stiff log of wood that kept burning for months by a fire generated from its interiors that it is now standing as a mountain of burnt out coal. It refuses to break, although it is already a pile of ashes. You’re so strong yet so fragile!

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Someone Dead

We’re descending the stairs
Laughing and giggling
About things we don’t know

We’re making assumptions
Laughing at people
Making fun at what they do

I look at you with glistening eyes
Happy and laughing 
Like I’ve never laughed before

I enjoy steeling glimpses of you
When you’re not noticing
I’m unable to take my eyes off you

It’s just when I look in your eyes
I see a whole new world that I never knew
It’s when I realize that 
I love you!

You take me out for a drink
We laugh and we giggle again
I ask you to lean forward
To come closer

I have my arm on your shoulder
I’m holding your head in my palm 
I feel your hair going through my fingers
And I’m feeling shy

I lean closer to your ears
And with a shy smile and a blushing face, I whisper:
I love you!

I move away
Still smiling, still blushing 
I finish my drink and I’m happy

You drive me home 
You’re stunned 
You tell me “be safe”

You never show again
I never hear of you again
You never pickup your phone

Years and years later
I’m playing with my daughter 
I’m hugging her, sliding my hand down her hair
I feel her laugh and her joy
She picks a photo of us when we were together
She smiles and asks me:
“Mom, who is that, you’re so happy and smiling with?”
She is the most perfect, happy thing

I hug her close and tight
I look at her father working in his office
I smile with ecstasy and teary eyes
I look back at her and say:
“Honey, he is someone who is now dead to me,
I love you!”

I hold her up 
I walk towards my husband
I kiss him and I hug him and I say 
I love you! 

Just one day I woke up forgetting all about you
I had a life better than what I thought I’d have
I'm happy and I'm never looking back
And whenever I’m asked about who you were; I answer:
He’s just someone who is now dead!