Cut Soul

I’m opened up badly

I’m cut so deep 

Too dull

I can remember being stitched up though

Apparently I forgot that too!

It seems that I tend to forget

Even my injuries

So much that I went in so hard, vigorously

Chest first!!!

Oh, 

I’m hollow on the inside

It seems that I’ve been vacant 

A fragile shell 

A red room in my chest 

Which red door is a thin layer of tender and soft skin

That started decaying

There is something wondrous still

The tissues are drawn so precisely and intricately

Haven’t they been inflamed and sore like they are

So puffed up, as if strangling each other out of air and blood-flow

I would have said that they are intertwined passionately

Dancing on fire, with love and life

To the rhythm of a lively heart

Beating

...

I used to be patched up

Or so I remember

I remember being taken care of

I remember being attended to

The memory is vague

A hazy vision clouded by uncertainty

I do not know

Have I forgotten again?

Have they gotten tired, those who were attending to me?

Have it all been a fantasy and no one was even here? 

I think I used to patch-me-up

Perhaps it was me taking care of me

Oh, I’m so exhausted now

My stretched and stitched-up self is worn out

It is crumbling 

Leaving me exposed

There are also these small cuts here and there, 

They are everywhere, all over me!!

Inviting in these flesh-eating bacteria

Which have found in me a warm home

It is a fallen shell of a fallen soul

Damaged and torn, 

Abandoned

! ! !

Life Thieves

It is all about the serpents now;

Thin, slimy, and small.

Cunning and swirling,

Crawling up my legs,

Creeping out my skin;

My numbed body.

Some wrapped around my ankle,

Thickly, tightly.

I cannot leave;

I would not.

I thought I could be their friend;

Taming them,

They tamed me;

My wild body, my vigorous moves;

They have taken over my shrew.

I am stung

Even after being stunned

Their alpha comes

They all withdraw

A newcomer to their dancefloor 

I lay still as it squeezes me.

I am losing track of my regular pace of breathing,

Slowly.

My lungs are getting pushed up,

I can feel my windpipe as it suffocates.

It is crashing, there is no air…

I am gasping hard

As my bones puncture my flesh.

I can feel the flow of my blood slowly getting paralyzed,

Tearing through my fatigued, pressured veins,

Clotting in my arteries.

My arms are stuck to my torso,

Tight.

My vision is failing,

It is a hazy greyed vision of blurry, fading lights,

A distorted image of an alleged room,

My trap, I presume.

With millions of spectators watching and cheering,

It was only few who actually knew the plan,

The show that we are all part in.

And here I lay, here I am

Shutting my eyes

To that filthy pair of slit red eyes

With its victorious, sharp look 

And smelly, slit, hissing tongue

Never Has He Ever…

Yester-night I cried myself to sleep

He shared a song, oh that was sweet

He rarely calls, we rarely speak

I still have hopes, someday, maybe

Yester-night I looked me in the mirror

I looked aggressive, aggression is nice

“He never loved you” the reflection said

“Never did he love me” I said, I said…

The sky was black that night

No moon, no stars, no trembling winds

No glimpse of life; dead

My imagination went on nevertheless

Songs wreaking havoc in my eardrums

Dancing bodies on their graves

Tequila shots and smoking pipes

Twenties style

I got him a gift the other day,

Not much of a gift, just a gesture of love

A token of the lengths I’d go to keep my promises

But he missed the message of never keeping his

The happiness in his eyes…priceless

The following day I was assigned out of office

Not a call, no care, no bother

Silence

I found my reply

Never has he ever cared

Never has he ever called

Never has he ever thought

Never has he ever got my point

You’re every important

Very strong, I care for you

In work, I always need you

He said

This is very special

I will keep all the notes

We are friends, you’re a dear, dear friend

That is what he said

Ok then, listen up. Since we are best buddies now and we are friends and have the world in the palm of our hands and we are so much cooler now, no commitments or strings attached, there are a few things that you need to know about the friend me. I’m so naggy and whinny, and unless I’m in a relationship, I’m the axis of the universe and everything has to be related to me. Everything in life has to have something relatable to me, and if it is not, I’ll make it relatable.  I think that I’m the only one who is right. I’d try to convince you that what I said is the best opinion there is, holding it against yours of course. This is a way different person than the me that you know of because before I was in love with you but now, supposedly, I’m not.   You have to listen and you have to be there. I’m clingy, angry and irritated and you have to cope with the moods that I can go through in a minute. I laugh a lot, can’t help it, probably basic genetics. I’m often hard headed and headstrong and it takes me a long while to grasp what you’re saying, in other words, rather stupid. I’d keep calling you all the time I want whenever and wherever. I know it sounds a bit of a crispy cheesy relationship, what can I say? Anyway, having set some ground here, I’d like to ask, would you take me as a friend, or this too you’d pass?

Notes on being dumped for the fifth time in a row

Fallen Wisps of the Night

The sun rose as it does everyday

No change; no dimming or shadowing clouds

Just shinning, as it shines, always

The night was too long though

So dark, wet, cold; frightening!

Yet too short, effortlessly restless!

Consuming...

The air is thick, as it was the night before

The night wisps

Twitching uneasily

Suffocating...

I am watching them

Sadistically

Entrapped in my glass jar

As big as the breath they are struggling to inhale

Their wings are failing

Are they dying?

The light of my head lamp is strong and fierce

Like this brutal sun centring this gigantic void

Do they feel the pain?

The terror of losing their lives?

Do they share this agonizing consciousness?

…Agonizing me?

I’m scratching at my skin

As they crumble to the ground

Bloody, sticky fingers

Breaking wings of dimming lights

My head lamp is blinding their sight

As does the sun of my dried-out soul

The heat is too much to bare

The air is thickening

The movements have gone still

All!

We fall

The lights go out

Their lights

Our light

My bright light

The sun yet shinning, the lamp yet on

The heat yet rising

But not their wings and not my corpse

Pain Killer

Pain killer

A pill after a pill

I throw my head back violently

Shoving the pills down my throat

I reach to my phone

Searching through the contacts for his name

I open the contact details, press the number, dial

A black screen, eternal seconds of death, I wait

Ring, Ring…

A busy tone of devastation

I sink in my bed, my tormentingly comfortable bed

I feel the pines piercing my sensitive skin

I seek the tablets again

The pain killer is wearing off

This numbness, the itch in the back of my spine

The irritation, the violent shake in my left arm!

Ring, Ring…

My phone is ringing, displaying a photo, his photo

A short ring, a dead ring

The screen dies, killing the vibrant colours on display

A deep breath

A sudden release of air from my painfully contracted lungs

A relief accompanied by a blow of anger

My wretched fury

A deep breath

My muscles loosen, he is ok

A wave of relaxation rushes over me

Ring, ring, I dial his number, and wait

“Hello love”

A deep breath of relief and appreciation

“I missed you”

The pain killer kicks in, no extra pills needed

“I tried reaching you today, call rejected…”

“Sorry love, a bit hectic, it has been”

“I thought something bad happened!”

“Sorry love, I have to go, talk later”

A busy tone…

The line died on me

The screen, black, howling at me in silence

Mirroring my dazzled, red, tired eyes

My heart gets tied to a vicious stone

That sinks it deep in a heavy ocean

It strives, it fights, it drowns, in vain

With the last strand of hope burning with the last bubble of air bursting

I madly seek the tablets again

The pain is devouring my veins

Eating through my bones

I need my temporary fix

I throw my head back again

Shoving it down, shoving it down

I close my eyes, I try to breathe

Waiting for the cycle to be repeated

Another pill, another call

Another breath, another fall

Anger, fury, relief unfolds

A distorted chain of events going on and on

My Planet’s Colours over the Moon

I’m over the moon

Watching the various colours of my planet as they change and intertwine

I’m over the moon

As my feet sink in deep pitches of ash and blood

Blood?! What blood?!

I’m over the moon…

Here comes the hail

Tiny snow needles puncturing my skin, where my nerve buds are active the most

I’m set on fire, by the electrifying sensation screeching down my chords

Eating at my bones

I scream so loudly, terrifyingly

My voice is devoured by the vast, black, empty, space

Here come the waves

Crashing at my spine

I forcibly kneel, tilting my head, fracturing my back

My immobility consumes me, and the pain

I’m over the moon

Watching the various colours of my planet as they change and melt together

My eyes are fighting for vision across my muddy tears

Mixing with my blood, sweat, ash, skin, and fear

My lungs try not to collapse, inhaling the molecules of destruction oppressing me

As I’m over the moon

Watching the colours of my planet as they lose their properties in each other

Dispersing into an unknown

Seas

Winds saturated with iodine

Sticky air, blowing wild

Ebb and Tide

Taking my breath away, filling me back in

I feel the humidity,

The stickiness, on my skin

Clinging, like those memories,

A howling sea

The stinging pain

Where my heart lies

Where my chest rises and falls

As my lungs inflate and deflate

The waves come at me

Streaming, steaming, stabbing, screaming

Pushing me under, raising me high above

As I strive to swim across, failing and succeeding

Those memories

I close my eyes, my dreams, to the endless sea

The motion still vivid, ebbs and tides

The tears behind my lids

"Men rise and fall like the winter wheat"

And as these seas are my witnesses

I have risen as I have fallen