Pain killer
A pill after a pill
I throw my head back violently
Shoving the pills down my throat
I reach to my phone
Searching through the contacts for his name
I open the contact details, press the number, dial
A black screen, eternal seconds of death, I wait
Ring, Ring…
A busy tone of devastation
I sink in my bed, my tormentingly comfortable bed
I feel the pines piercing my sensitive skin
I seek the tablets again
The pain killer is wearing off
This numbness, the itch in the back of my spine
The irritation, the violent shake in my left arm!
Ring, Ring…
My phone is ringing, displaying a photo, his photo
A short ring, a dead ring
The screen dies, killing the vibrant colours on display
A deep breath
A sudden release of air from my painfully contracted lungs
A relief accompanied by a blow of anger
My wretched fury
A deep breath
My muscles loosen, he is ok
A wave of relaxation rushes over me
Ring, ring, I dial his number, and wait
“Hello love”
A deep breath of relief and appreciation
“I missed you”
The pain killer kicks in, no extra pills needed
“I tried reaching you today, call rejected…”
“Sorry love, a bit hectic, it has been”
“I thought something bad happened!”
“Sorry love, I have to go, talk later”
A busy tone…
The line died on me
The screen, black, howling at me in silence
Mirroring my dazzled, red, tired eyes
My heart gets tied to a vicious stone
That sinks it deep in a heavy ocean
It strives, it fights, it drowns, in vain
With the last strand of hope burning with the last bubble of air bursting
I madly seek the tablets again
The pain is devouring my veins
Eating through my bones
I need my temporary fix
I throw my head back again
Shoving it down, shoving it down
I close my eyes, I try to breathe
Waiting for the cycle to be repeated
Another pill, another call
Another breath, another fall
Anger, fury, relief unfolds
A distorted chain of events going on and on
