One (A Short Story)

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and underneath me an ocean. I don't know its depth but I'm certain that my jump could be lethal. I'm standing, not caring of the consequences, not bearing in mind that faint sound of the crushing stones beneath my feet. Not considering that they fall into the sea, shatter, and then crumble into dust, with the first contact with the surface as a result of the impact. They are screaming at me: "BE WARE, DON'T FALL", yet I give them no attention. They dive deep, so deep that they are no longer apparent; there is nothing that could be seen of them anymore. They're carried away with the motion of the waves that go back and forth, and with it is the sound of the ocean hitting against the rocks, washing them, wearing them off, and crushing them with pressure and violence. In this wave motion of his it feels like rage arising, yet the cliff is standing stiff, in pride and ego that it fights back all the tries of being broken into halves. It's protecting its existence and the existence of the creatures and the life that it bears on its back; as if it has sworn never to give up on a friend, no matter how heavy the burden might be.

There is only that smell of the wet mud and wood of the forest that stands behind me, as a result of the rain of the previous night. The fireflies were then flying beautifully and with their little flames of light they added shades of green to the trees of the forest. Their graceful light was creating small rainbow bows as they flew around. The sight generated tranquility and inner peace. After that rain, I walked to the edge of the cliff and stood there as the sun rose up and colored the horizon with the calming, peaceful colors of the aurora.

I stood there for God knows how long, just taking in the air, feeling that early, cold breeze of air at the dawn as it hit my face. I felt my brownish red locks flickering and waving with the soft, early wind that carried early water dews from the sea and carried the smell of the salt with it. I felt my hair glow and shine with energy and peace. I felt my arms rising in the air; they made a perfect cross shape as they intersected with my truck. I felt like flying; as I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the feeling of peace and silence. I set one foot in front of the other and I felt the air carrying me. There was a bridge of stones being built beneath my feet, and then covered and paved by white and violet roses and green wide leaves, it led my way to the clouds and the stars. I left the cliff and the safety of the land for the ventures of my own mind's imagination of walking on the clouds, sitting on top of the world; having all I want in the grasps of the palm of my hands and I just felt free.

I was ascending to the sky, feeling the power of nature filling me in and neutralizing all those feelings of hate, fear, and rage I ever felt in my living duration on the land that people call "Earth". I felt the clouds and the shift in the direction of the wind. I heard the sound of peace and calmness as I walked towards the stars.

In that moment of ultimate happiness and comfort and that feeling of safety, even though I'm walking on the clouds, I felt the sea beneath me calling. The waves were tempting and I had an urge that ran into my veins and blood and raised the speed of the beats of my heart. I found myself giving myself over to that urge and the last thing I know myself was doing, I was falling. I felt my body crashing against the wind, as a result of the effect of gravity and the height from which I gave myself over. And here comes the true meaning of inner peace and calmness, I'm diving into the sea and throwing my arms onto it. It's that feeling of being clean, innocent and pure. There is that sense of tranquility and oneness. I'm one with myself, I'm one with the medium I'm indulging in and feeling its power running through me. I feel the water lifting me and rising that sense of spirituality it has, as if it was carrying on a religious ritual of purging. When I gave over to my intuition I disregarded the cries of the stones that have fallen before me. And I was right; I knew I was right from the early start. I became one again; I'm one with the thing that gave me birth in the first place. I'm one with myself and one with the main component that makes my existence.

I turned my head over in the sea and saw a flower in my right hand; a golden flower, not like those that paved my way to the sky. It glowed and shined with a graceful, peaceful light that doesn't hurt the eye, yet lights the world around you. I then heard a melody in the silence that would give hope to the desperate. As this song started to play the flower glowed brighter, I grew calmer and more comfortable and feeling more one with me; the body and the soul are one together again. The sea became quitter as to listen to that soft sound and bring peace to its own existence. It's a melody that turns time back to the ages of purity and clearness. It sang:

"Flower gleam and glow
let your powers shine
make the clock reverse
bring back what once was mine
what once was mine"

With the sound of that angelic tune I turned my head towards the sky.  I could see it blur as an effect of the water surface. I closed my eyes once more, I enjoyed the harmony of the atmosphere and there I slept as never before. It is a peaceful death, a peaceful journey to get transferred from the world of lies to the world of truth. It is the peaceful way to neutralize the inner war and get your soul to be one with you as once before; as the time you were first born to the land of sins and leaving the virtues and heavens behind.

Sadists (Demons of the Night III)

As a completion of the series of poems of "Demos of the Night" that I started writing approximately a year ago, I wrote this poem about the explicit Sexual Harassment acts that women and girls are subjected to in the Egyptian streets. This as well is a try on my behalf to contribute to the very courageous movement that Shereen Thabet has initiated and triggered on Facebook against sexual harassment.

Here is the poem, 

Beasts, monsters, roaming around
Mingled with us, you can't point them out
Observing, waiting for the time to attack.
Ugly they are, with eyes red and burning;
Suckers of life, virtue and innocence.
They chain you with their looks that burn with lust,
And you cannot hide.
They are with fangs, from which poison is dripping,
And claws of the firmest grips;
More severe than that of a Crow or an Eagle.
Their touch is death, making the skin crisp,
With pain of the torture screaming.

Swift they are, appearing out of nowhere.
They vanish in a blink of an eye;
But that's the kind of them who get scared.
For they still have some little blood;
Travelling through their veins.

But the other kind who enjoy to inflict the pain,
They stand to see you suffer,
And triumph,
When your eyes are bloody, chocking with tears.
They stick around to hear you swear,
And to hear your silent woes and screams.
And to feel your sore throat;
That's unable to vibrate and echo in the sky.
They love watching you troubled and helpless;
When they grab you with their grasps of filth and dirt.
And your words are stuck in your throat,
Like the poisonous apple of Snow White.

They stalk you, they haunt you,they root their fear inside you.
They are of no creatures that God created;
For even animals of the cruelest natures care for those of them,
They strive for the existence and survival of their species.

They are the humans with emotions and hearts rooted out
THEY ARE SADISTS.

Tickets For The Train Of Life

 It's been a long time since I last posted. I miss the blog so much. Anyways, I was listening to The Civil Twilight and their song Fire Escape and I don't know how I got these words sounding in my head. I wrote this poem totally coincidental and with no intentions to write at all. We are just always in a race with time and life and at points we lose our will to continue and that is what happened in the end. The family who had left everything behind to get to the train has in the end sit on the benches and gained no life and gained no fame. 

Here is a link to the song...The Civil Twilight_Fire Escape

Packed our bags

Standing at the door

Grabbing our priceless tickets

We are ready and set to go

Have got to our ride

Now we're hitting the road

Staring at our paper tickets

For which we sold our home

Have now reached the station

And dazzled by the number

Lost in the sea of people

We're scared and frightened

Grasping our tickets in hands

They are wet as clothes in rain

We decided to get to our platform

We are to be late for the train

Asking how to reach our destination

But no one seem to be of help

All are running from corner to corner

Reading the tickets in their hands

Trying to get a grip, I said:

"We have a train to catch people,

read your tickets…MARSH!!"

I smiled to make them forget their fear

But my smile dissolved in the sound of my insecure heart beat

After reaching the platform

We are now standing in the wait

Other people look just like us

As dazzled, puzzled, and scared

Here comes a light, out of the black lane

And there is a roaring sound, the sound of the train

Slowing now, stopping, opening the doors

It's dark inside; you can see people but hear no voice

Their faces are black, all looking in one direction

There is no one in action, as if they've been enchanted

As if bewitched by the spell of silence

We are the desperate ones

We couldn't get on the train

We weren't fast enough

Now we're again in the wait

We're looking at our tickets,

Sitting on the benches,

Observing the platform

That is constantly being filled with strangers

Trains just like the first one,

With people on its board spelled,

Coming and going and we are still not launched.

For days now we are sitting as we were

Until the trains stopped coming

And people stopped showing

One Way Road

When you are in a relationship you think it should be built upon mutual care and respect. You both should share everything together; your joy and your ups and downs. What makes a relationship is when there are two people, they love each other, they cherish each other and most importantly they are together on the same ground. There shouldn't be a partner who over cares while the other is living in a total mess and disregard. Men should understand that it's not only about them, we as well have feelings and hearts that need love, care, attention, and tenderness.

Sitting beside you, two meters far
You can't feel what I feel
Sometimes I think you're of no heart
You don't know that you've left me scarred?!
You can't feel that fire, burning up, tearing me apart?!
Can't you see it in my eyes?!
Those glistens that you can't tell whether of joy or fire
That broken, sharp tone that tries to awake your hibernating desire
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?!
Or is it just my mind
Fantasizing and dreaming
If you're so cold and emotionless
Like a stone?!...NO...stones can feel
They can burst with water and goodness
But all you give me is your ice cold gleams
All you do is being angry at me,
Hanging up on me
And I have to accommodate with all your moods;
When being gay and when being low
You rush to me when you're of no home
You cry to me when your heart is so filled with shame and blame
Have you ever called me when feeling happy and over the moon
Or am I just for you tears, to get you out of your silent screams?!
I've had enough of your ignorance and disregard
I deserve to be loved, to be felt, to be a queen;
With the most beautiful jeweled crown
I have every right to be cherished and cared for
Or else,
It will be a one way love
And you are consuming all your resources
And care not to make a refill, a recharge
I too have needs; it's not only about you
You're not the center of the world
I deserve to be loved too

Devour (Demons of the Night II)

After watching the movie Devour by Jensen Ackeles of Supernatural, one of my favorite series, I felt so overwhelmed by the last sentence in the movie which was " The Devil couldn't kill her child so this is how she makes me pay for wanting to be human. But maybe they're right, maybe there is no Pathway and this is all a fantasy I've created to live with the horrible things I've done. Wake me from this nightmare, please, help me". 

Have been through it all before, I can say that the mind has this incredible ability in believing in what you want it to believe in; like everything suddenly sounds idiomatic and sensible and in a split of a second it makes no common sense at all. 

"The brain is just like a muscle, the more you train it the more it can give" Bill Forbes, The Vampire Diaries, Season Three, Can't actually remember the episode. 

So after feeling like "OMG this can happen 'cause it's so common to convince ourselves with stuff and then create the illusion and live in it", I felt like I had to make something out of it, and That's what I had written down. 

P.S. the reason for the Bible Quoting is that it clarifies many points and the movie is built upon some Biblical references so it's just a contribution to the effects I want to add.


"1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

Seductive and beautiful
Graceful as if playing on chords
As charming and bewitching
As a mermaid can be
Exotic she is.

She knows how to strike
Where to strike, when to strike;
She knows everything.
She seems like divine;
Wild yet peaceful,
You need to dig deep down
To reach her core, in case it exists.

Once your eyes are set on her
You're confessed never to let go;
She gets her clutches in you
She is possessive, you belong to her
"Like a lion, she prowls around,
Seeking souls she may devour."
That's how she is, who she is
Sneaking at night in your darkest dreams
Capable of doing what she wants
And of making you do what she wants
And for being capable of doing everything
Of being everything, she is everything.

She is your dreams,
She is your nightmares
She is that soulless monster
That craves to be let out
That killer, abductor, she is the demon inside
That one that grows beneath your smile.

The rituals has to be done
Before she can expose herself to you
She is in your life, intimate to you
Yet the real face of hers,
About which you have no clue.
You have to kill to know the truth
So that her true face would prevail
And for the mask to fall
She is what your mind tells you to be
And what you resist to do, thus become.

She is those visions that you get
Your destructive wishes
Your abilities that you wouldn't let out
Your suppressed fantasies in your head
She is the other side of the self
She is your enemy, even though she is you
When you look at the mirror
You see her sometimes
More than those in which you see you
She is Satan that grows in each of us
The one for which we fantasize to release
Because without creating our illusions
We would gradually be devoured
By our sense of guilt
She is the anesthetic to our cruel nature.

"Acts 13:10 “You are a child of the devil and an enemy of everything that is right! You are full of all kinds of deceit and trickery. Will you never stop perverting the right ways of the Lord? "

"James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Everybody's Fool

After the devastating events of the football match between El-Masry and El-Ahly teams, I grew angry as a result of the responds and the way our "saviors" and our "protectors" reacted. When everyone else but our rulers feel sad and devastated to what happened to our youth, I can for sure guarantee that there is something going wrong. It's a conspiracy maybe, but against who?! Is it against ourselves or against our country?! Is it in favor of the anonymous "third party" who maintain his ability in staying  anonymous for more over a year now just to make our existence no more than a mere shadow in the reality he wants to create?! I don't know and quite frankly no one gives a God damn shit to answer. I wrote this because I couldn't help feeling regret for voting to who now seem to be unfit to rule us. I'm sorry to have wasted my vote on you people. You deserve nothing but the disgrace you are sinking deeper and deeper in.

 

In a faraway land, exists a town
Where it is said to be the town of emperors
Where peace is found and welfare is easily gained
Where great rulers rise and legacies are made

After an endless age of great empires; one rising after the other
Came the age of plague; an age when everyone has to suffer
The descendants of Amun and the worshipers of great Ra'
All is going to his doom; the town is set on fire

As everything is burning, as great history goes to waste
A faint voice came up, through the smoky haze
The voice now multiplies and the sound is growing stronger
All is calling for regaining our stolen prosperity

After an age of massive deaths and slaughter
After a war between the existence of the self and that of the nation
The young people win as the tyrant crumbles into his delusions of grandeur
Or so we thought; for we got landed by his filthy replacements

At first, as a child who gets fooled by a new toy,
We thought we won, oh yes, in that we believed
Also in this dream of ending the age of the plague;
It was everyone's hope, everyone's unspoken scream.

As the tide rises, as the waves shift directions
As people wash their disgrace while others sink deep in it
They said it's the time to found a new town
On lawful degrees it's established, it's time for a new history to be written

And as the blood is still spilt on the ground,
Came those who pledged to erase the memories
With false claims and promises they clouded our minds
And for us being trustful, in them we trusted.

With our will we voted, we said it's time for a change
They fooled themselves, they believed they're salvation
And in their believes we believed,
I guess we were struggling in what to believe
But salvation faded away in the establishment of a new age of plague

Time passed, not so long, yet not so short.
The same old same;
Blood is spilt, but now for the most trivial reasons
Killing is now easy, and emotions now are growing cold


People now die in massacres, and we thought we won at first
Some of us have grown unhopeful, that's how the pharaohs ruled
But now we're in the wait for the new scream, for the voice to bloom
For once it screams out calling for change, it will be for real

One part wise, three parts fool; but in bullshit we will believe no more
Somehow they got everybody fooled; but now they are everybody's fool

"Without the mask where will you hide?
Can't find yourself, lost in your lie
I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't (trust) you anymore
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled"

My Miraculous Dream

Since I decided to have this blog to talk about me and to publish my "written on the spot poems" as a result of my craziness or compassion towards something; I decided to publish this poem right now.

It's about Breaking Dawn - Part I - it's supposed to be Bella speaking to herself and to Edward, justifying her herself and her choice of keeping the "thing" as everyone but her call it, the "baby, just a baby" as Rosalie calls it and "him" as Bella refers to it.

That's how I captured the thing in mind. That's how I saw it and that's how I felt in every word she said and every decision she took and everything she did. It might not sound as great as many would think it would. It might even sound sooooooooooooo cliché to some but I don't care. That's what I know Meyer had in mind when she wrote the book. That's what I think she should have had in her mind. I'm a little outta control here and may sound funny, but whatever, that's the me that I like in my many other mes' :P

Holding to it as much as I can
It's a part of my soul, growing in me
Feeding on me, and I can't complain
'cause from the first moment I felt its existence
I chose its welfare over mine.
No matter what the consequences might be
No matter who lives, it or me
As crazy as for some it might seem
It's miraculous, my dream to keep
Red haired, honey eyes, with skin as white as snow
Blooming as a young rose bush
Growing to give hope on the entrance of a gloomy frontier
As strong as a turtle shell, and as hard as well
Renesmee...her name...my new life...my miraculous dream
For her I'd give my life, on a plate made of gold
For her I'd sell my soul, it's a truth to be told
I'll fight for her no matter who the enemy is
I'll give her what she needs;
Flesh, blood, whatever she needs
And if I get to choose between her or me
I'll blindly choose her, my dream
I'm sorry but you have to accept what it is
That's my choice and I won't withdraw
When I'm that close of being a mother
In the most unexpected way.
I refuse to give up when I have this gift
Which inside of me I bear
Get angry as you want
Resent me, the way I look, the way I'm crushed
Feel repugnant of her
But just remember when you see her
She is a part of me; she's always been and always will be

Gossips, Daggers...Would It Matter?!

You can't be a normal girl unless you've gossiped once or twice in your life. let's just face the cruel truth, a girl can't live without talking, and talking brings gossip and gossip actually make words spread like fire, as devouring, as burning, as fast as fire can be. I myself can't imagine a world without gossip, it'd be a better world for sure, it'd be a utopia. Just the thought of living in a place where no one talks about anyone and all live happily together ignoring the faults and mistakes of each other make one's heart flicker with happiness like a butterfly. It'd be the greatest thing ever. Just imagine that you're putting your head down the pillow and getting ready to have a good night's sleep and you just jump outta bed 'cause you're scared of what people would be saying about what you did with whoever and they didn't like it and then they start, just in the most spontaneous way, to count your mistakes, name your faults and make it hell for you. Now, capture this image, imagine yourself getting ready for a good night's sleep and you put your head down the pillow and you actually go in the deepest, some relaxing and calming sleep you've ever had just because you're sure there won't be thousand daggers stabbing you in your back and killing you slowly. You won't be afraid that your heart would be exposed to their bullet fast and cruel words.

Of course it's not usually as bad as this; as a matter of fact it is much worse. It's not exclusive to girls to gossip. The worst gossip ever is that of boys. It happens all the time and it's bad enough to know that boys are capable of spreading words and gossip faster than a society of women can. These are stated facts, nothing that I have invented. It's actually worse when a boy talks about a girl in her back. Boys are by nature harsher than girls and can be some pain in the ass more than a girl can be. He might not consider the feelings of a girl, not that another girl would do it but nevertheless she at least might understand, even in the slightest and shallowest manner, why another girl for example did what she did or said what she said. It's a whole world built up on theories and expectations and you have no vindication to what you say unless with experience and your experience is not a 100% trustful proof as not everyone is you and the third party is not like any other.

It happens all the time, this rotten, decaying society that by its turn result in a whole generation of a more rotten and decaying morals. Not stating that I'm not one of those, on the contrary, I'm a big gossiper myself. I kick ass in it. This is nothing that I'm proud of but it comes with anger and pain and grudge that I carry in my heart towards someone and then I explode and count the mistakes and faults of this someone. Just letting it all out makes us feel much relieved than before and we forget those whom we were just talking about and how it would hurt them to listen to what we were just saying and how it would feel like shooting them with daggers right in their hearts.

All I want to say is no one is an angel and no one can actually stop talking about anyone, or anything. As long as we have air in our lungs we'll keep on talking and talking and talking. We'd never stop or it'd be living a dead life, or turning into a ghost. Actually saying this reminds me with the ghost supper in The Ghost Sonata by August Steindberg. People lived together under the same roof and never talked in 20 years, this is death. It's just in the human nature, we can't stop talking and others can't stop listening. All I want to say is no matter if you talk or not, as long as we live we'll talk and gossip; but when you talk remember this, put yourself in the shoes of that third party you're talking about and see if you'll like it. If you do then go on with it, if you don't then knock it off and drop the act and say "I'LL NOT BE TALKING ABOUT HIM/HER IN THE BACK, IF I GOT SOMETHING I'LL SHOOT IT AT THEIR FACE" and yes it would make trouble but it'd be better to give them a piece of your mind than just cutting in their flesh when you talk in their back.

Jealousy...Blessing?!...NAH...

The truth to be told, I'm one of the most jealous people I've known in my life. Not that I'm an expert in knowing my own character, 'cause I'm so ignorant about myself, but I can only say this...I'm fanatically, annoyingly jealous.

It's not something that makes me proud or makes anyone proud. I mean…it shouldn't it's not something that anyone would walk around people and brag about it. For me it's one of the weakest points. It makes me vulnerable and over sensitive, in case I need it 'cause I'm already sensitive enough that I'd explode at any time just like a time bomb, it would swipe me off my feet and make a  sworn enemy out of a friend just in a blink of an eye.

I know that no one would actually care enough to read this but I'm writing it because I need to recognize it myself. I need to slap me at the face, shake myself and scream at myself and say wake up and ditch that illogical hatred that is devouring you. Ignoring the fact that I've already done it before and it was of NO use at all, but it managed actually to make me feel worse about myself. It's so bad when you just hate someone just because you are jealous of him or her…it happened with me a couple of times and repent and regret doesn't work as self-conciliation.

Jealousy can be good at times, for example, it's good to be jealous on your family members. It's also good to be jealous on your mate or couple, not in a suffocating way though. It's also good to be jealous; the kind of jealousy that will push you forward and make you achieve higher goals than your imagination would have solely reached. But is it a blessing…NO, IT'S DEFINITELY A CURSE. Out of jealousy you can be driven to the extent of manipulating your friends, lie to them, use them and eventually you'll have a reputation. It can be suffocating, burning, causing your head to go far beyond the normal thought on how to manipulate that someone of whom you're jealous, like I do sometimes. Still, it's not something that I brag about but yet I need to say it, to acknowledge it, and finally get rid of it. It can stimulate that devil that we all struggle to suppress just in a matter of seconds.

The reason I'm writing this is because I know that I'm not alone in this, or at least not to feel alone in this. These things I wrote would change my picture in front of many of my friends. It may also drive some to re-consider being my friend. But to those who really know who I am they'll also know how to help me get through this. It's good to know your faults and your weak points in order to correct them in the future, that's why I chose that name for my blog; Between The Past and The Future. Everyone should learn from his mistakes, I should learn from my mistakes. Learning is not easy and you know the saying: half way to cure is diagnosis.