Photo Day (Stream of Thought 9)

Talking about connection, photos bring people together; they freeze the moment. It is like you cut out a memory and you freeze it in time. You save it with its smiles and happiness and each time you go back to see it you remember the smiles, the conversations, the memories, the teasing and everything else. Even if you were crying in these photos, you will remember why. You will remember how happy or how sad you were and your emotions will be regenerated. It’s this immediate connection that happens between you and these photos, remembering how you felt back then and how it was deadly, freaking awesome taking these photos and enjoying them. It’s re-living the incidents over and over again just by keeping a memory saved on our Laptop or in your photo album. Photos are a manner of communication.

Yesterday, I was having my photo day with one of the most marvelous people I have ever met. We laughed, we cheered, we enjoyed. We hit each other, we ran after each other, we sprayed each other and we were triumphing and enjoying every second. We had group photos, individual photos, crazy photos, photos with poses and kisses. There were the funny captures and the snap shots. There was every kind of craziness ever imagined.

I saw my friends, how happy and sad they were. I saw how we were laughing with teary eyes when we were writing to each other on the t-shirts. I saw the memories being documented with every snap shot, with every click on the camera button, with every smile and cheer and cry. I was in this, and no matter what I’d say, I’d never get out the feeling correctly. There was a click between us. There was love in the air.

I also saw the representatives being so tired and so energy drained yet enjoying our smiles. They saw in our eyes the happiness and we saw in theirs the sweetness of the feeling to have achieved something, to have been the reason of happiness for more than a hundred person. These people took from their studying time, their energy, their rest time and their leisure time to help execute the most perfect photo day and the most organized one I’ve ever seen in four years.

Sana, Nehal, Reham, Kareem, Merihan, Yara, Mo’atasem, Mariam, Hoda Menna and Eman, thanks to all of you. And a special thanks goes to Mahmoud for an amazing, creative, very catchy t-shirt design. Thanks to have drawn a smile on our faces. Thanks to have given us the chance to remember each and every corner in this Department and in this University with joy and laughter and happiness along with the nervous break downs and cries. Thanks to have shared each moment and thanks to have given us the opportunity to share back.

My Department, My Professors, My Friends, I have so much gratitude inside that I can’t speak of and I have that happiness that you gave me. Thanks for making me the one I am now.

And to my circle of friends…شكرا انكم استحملتوا جناني كل ده و تقبلتوني زي ما انا

شكرا لكم كلكم

 April 27th 2013
A day to Remember <3

Connecting (Stream of Thoughts 8)

Connection is what makes us humans. From my point of view, it’s a human trait that we cannot give up on. I can’t imagine not communicating with others. I make whatever possible to communicate; I talk, I jump, I dance, I hit my buddies and we click. I share my insanity with them and they share theirs with me. Sharing makes us humans; it makes the others know you and you know them. It’s a whole different life, a new world to excavate; living in the smile of each other.

For the first time in three years, I communicate with a very dear friend to my heart. For the first time he talks with me, he opens up to me and we share. He already knows me, I mean we’ve been friends for three years, and I know him, or at least I thought I did until today. When we talked today I felt that for the first time we started sharing something. By sharing I don’t mean we have common things that we share, no. I mean by sharing here that we both opened up to each other to let each of us read the other’s mind. For the first time in three years I finally feel a connection between us. There is hope to save our friendship after I thought that he will never be sharing with me and he is shutting me out. He is not the talkative type, I know that. I just refuse to accept that when you have so many things to say you choose to stay silent. He never talks with anyone. That’s why I felt happiness and an overwhelming feeling of ecstasy when we both talked together.

We sat together for like an hour, in which we talked like never before. We talked like real friends. It’s not anymore the kind of friendship of him teasing me and I accept the challenge and I run after him and swear that’ll be hitting him and blah, blah, blah, No! It was a real humanistic connection on a deeper level of emotions. There was love, there was affection, and there was compassion. For me, this was the first time to connect with him in that manner. We connected as humans do. I wasn’t insane, he wasn’t teasing. We were like how people should be when talking; we were happy.

My friend, my brother, you’re one of those people who I would never want to lose. Today for the first time I felt like we are connected only because you opened up to me. We only talked and that for me meant the world. I loved it, you can’t imagine how much I did. Please don’t stay silent for so long, please connect, not only with me but with the world. There is a whole big world out there full of life and full of compassion and emotions. Open up to others and let others open up to you, believe me, you’ll be much happier and life will be easier.

Thank you to have given me such an opportunity to know you better. I love you brother.

Feel The Cold

I felt like writing this piece when I was heading to university today's morning. I had in mind the first stanza; the lines were just there recurring and echoing in my head. I couldn't resist. As soon as I was able to fetch a pen and a paper to write I did, I let my head fantasize and thus creating this piece. My main inspiration was me sitting beside a window, which I opened, and then it was cold and the cold was stinging me but I refused to close the window. I felt then like I was punishing myself. I am always feeling like I'm doing something wrong, there is this insecurity that I have towards whatever I say or even think. I hate it when I dream and I blame myself for somehow I thought of those things that got somehow stored in my unconscious then manifested themselves in my dreams and thus I am a bad person. I'm always in repent and feeling wretched and that's why I get this itching need to write. It's my let out, my salvation from the demons eating me up from the inside. When I write, is like I'm feeding those cries of my mind so that they would stop bothering me. My uncontrollable sense of guilt that I always have made me write this piece. I'm sorry for the very long intro but I just left myself to express what I felt then. Thanks for reading this, whoever is going to.

Walk into the cold

And feel its sting in your skin

Feel it eating up your bones

And crystallizing the blood in your veins

Feel the cold

Stoning your heart,

Burning your eyes,

Deafening your ears,

And freezing your limbs,

Driving you numb;

Out of your mind.

Feel the cold

Rusting your nostrils,

Drying your lungs,

And soring your throat,

Making it impossible to breathe;

Maybe you would even bleed!

Feel the coldness

Of your wretched soul

And plead forgiveness!

Maybe then you'll be cleansed,

Maybe you'll be pure once more

Dream Park (Stream of Thoughts 1>>>7) 06/04/2013

10:04 AM

I've pleaded to be here, now that I'm here I want to go back. Now I'm in the phase of detaching myself from them...silence please!

10:08 AM
I'm here with so many people, so much noise, so much energy and I'm so sick of everything. STOP! Get me out...I want a let out...Please drop me back home. I want this all gone. I'm in a dream, NO! It's a nightmare and I want to wake up!!!

10:14 AM
It's all a lie. Keep up the pretence; MINGLE! You'll do it perfectly!

01:40 PM
Feeling rage and eating out of anger. I can't catch my breath cause of the rage...I hate him!

06:00 PM

Too personal to be published_censored.

06:16 PM

Someone is so where I don't want him/her to be. They're so enjoying their time and still somehow hopeful. I don't like it.

06:36 PM

The day has ended. It wasn't quit as I've expected. The rest is too personal to be published_censored.

My Comeback (Stream of Thoughts Preface)

After a very, very long time of abandonment, I decided to have a very strong comeback. I never stopped writing, I just stopped posting on the Blog. I don't know why I did so but now I really do feel like I'm missing the world. I want to write, and write and write. I want to scream and shout and say I'm here, I exist, I am something, I am someone so please acknowledge my presence.

I'll be writing my diary, that's the name that people call it. For me, it's more like a stream of thought being updated a second by second just for me not to forget that at this particular moment, on this particular day I felt something. I felt this particular something and because I felt it then it should be special and because it's special then I'll write it.

I'll be writing from now on everything that I feel or cross my head. That's why I created the Blog anyway, to share me on a written paper.

Whether anyone is to be reading this or not I won't be bothering, it's about me sharing. So if you read it or you don't it's your choice as well as it's mine to write and let my head break through its clouds.