Oblivion (A Short Story)

Disclaimer: This piece may contain explicit content for some audience. Please DO NOT READ if below 18.

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Created 09/ 05/ 2013

Finished 11/ 07/ 2014

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I woke up in the morning to a very hard kiss on my lips like the ones I always fantasize about. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. I am sure that it was a dream but I have no idea who kissed me in that dream. The thing that made me feel the most insecure is that I started fantasizing about the anonymous person who kissed me and I kept bringing into vision a multitude of scenarios the kiss would have taken place with.

I closed my eyes only to try to recount what could have happened. Was that only the weaving of my hungry mind? I need this, this feeling of appreciation and love and need. I need to feel loved and wanted and sexy and attractive and a whole big bunch of feelings that I’m yearning for. Could my brain be that kind of desperate that it created an alternative set of emotions that I can only experience when I let go of physical existence. I’m into a virtual life in which I can have whatever I want! It is a brain consuming thought, but it’s all worth the time and the energy.

I delved into the black, trying to reconcile the fragments I have of this person. I ran on its concealed path and got those partial memories; emotions, coming right at me. I’m hit by them as if I’m being hit by fragments of my own that helps constructing me; keeping me whole. I have a touch, a kiss, a move, a pair of bright eyes, and the strongest of all a delightful smile that made me ecstatic. I built on that vision a man as crazy, as delightful, and as bright as I am. It was like he was a male version of me. In his perfect stature, he was only a reflection of my own spirit set in another body.

I stopped running but the black oblivion was still rushing towards me. Now, it is empty of any memories, emotions; everything. There was just me, standing in the middle of the path that I can’t see, and there was that incarnation of that person, another part of me! I approached him, examined my lover and was bewildered by my weaving. I was stunned by what my mind is capable of. It was enchanting. I looked into his eyes, a deep look with a deep breath that I held in me. It was euphoric. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I was slowly and carefully raising my hands to feel his lovely face. I laid my left palm on his cheek when he started disintegrating. The oblivious darkness that was moving against my current is now moving with it; taking him away. The image that was just standing before me is now wearing off like digital data being eaten up by a virus that transforms it into little, senseless squares, apart from each other, useless! I ran after it, reaching out to it. Sobbing and angry I screamed “No, no don’t leave, don’t wear off; don’t leave me after I’ve found you! Staaaaaaaaaaaaay, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.”

I kept running until I was out of breath. I started stumbling and I fell to the ground when the left of me, being taken away by the ruthless current, exploded like a dying star. It was bright then it was dark again. The explosion wiped off everything in its way; my memory of his love, my emotions, my yearnings, and my exquisite happiness. Everything got sucked into the nothingness from which it was originally born. I was down on my knees, surrounded by nothing more than the static black that was suffocating me by its wideness. It was not moving in any direction anymore; it wasn’t moving towards me or with me! It was gone. Oblivion got sucked into oblivion, leaving only the oppressive space behind. I ended up in a black nothingness, lost in the high levels of my dreaming mind. I found no way back, no way in, no means to reconcile my once again lost pieces. It was only the emptiness one more time, the crucifixions one more time, the shivers, the pain, the shimmering, the breathless, blown up lungs one more time, with no means to overcome it. It was oblivion in the beginning and oblivion in the end and a lost soul hanging by a thread at the finish line of a marathon that can never be finished.