Routine

Another bell ringing

Another day ending

Another day waiting

For the beginning

Another story not told

Another pain foretold

Another evening to be spent

Waiting for the beginning

I go home again

My mom serves me dinner

I sit, I eat, I say thanks, then I leave to my room

With my head bent to my chest

My mom asks, "How was dinner?"

I reply, "Delicious, thanks"

My mom says, "Are you ok?"

And I reply, "Yes"

I go to my room, 

Get my books all opened

I sit and I bend my head to my chest

I'm singing the melancholic melody of derision hopes

"Another day ending,

Waiting for the beginning

Khawater

I can’t imagine myself with a man. There is no one who is good enough. I have loved so many men, but I’ve never been in love but once and it’s broken me.  At the moment, I’m not broken, but I am recovering. I don’t know what I’m recovering from. Maybe my hallucination?! Maybe my hectic imagination? I think that’s the problem, my imagination!

Having so many expectations, very high ones, only lead to wreckage! I don’t know If I’m wrecked or if I’m only cracked and I can heal, or if I’m totally damaged beyond repair. I don’t know!

My sister today told me “how come he loved you, what made him interested in you?” she was joking, she didn’t mean anything. Her joke cut so deep into me that I’m crying from the inside for two hours now. I don’t mean to be rude, neither do I mean being so harsh with others. I’m only scared! Under every hard shell, there is a very tender flesh that is being protected. Inside of every shell, a pearl that is entrapped by its fright! Turtles and shrimps are proof of that! I’m not comparing myself to them, but I’m only trying to make the image closer to what I am, how I am!

I don’t want to be the harsh and dull girl. I'm also unable to be the girly girl. It’s just not me! I’m not that kind of a girl. I’m the one who builds a fortress around herself and fire fucking hell fire on whoever and whatever tries to breach the walls. That’s what I am, how I am!

Chain (A Short Story)

It is this stone hand that squeezes your heart and strangles your veins, blocking your vessels and chocking your airway; suffocating you. It is this tremble and this shake that prevents your heart from beating, as if you’ve been electrocuted. You’re breathing heavily, if you’re breathing at all, and your eyes are watery as you lose control over yourself; over your body and soul! You’re losing sense of time and getting lost in existence as everything is put on fast forward, they are going very fast that you think they’re being played in slow motion. You’re entrapped in an illusion, which is created by your hallucinating mind, which is providing your body with an excessive amount of adrenaline, making your state of hibernation a state of euphoria! You’re transcending, yet bounded to the ground. You’re dying slowly and being skinned with no anaesthesia, yet you’re numbed, cast out of sensation! You’re crying, screaming with pain; soundlessly! You’re broken, torn apart, shattered, combusting, and bursting; all of them yet nothing of them at all! You’re chained, but you can’t see that you are. The chains are being stretched, pulling you apart, like a stiff log of wood that kept burning for months by a fire generated from its interiors that it is now standing as a mountain of burnt out coal. It refuses to break, although it is already a pile of ashes. You’re so strong yet so fragile!

Someone Dead

We’re descending the stairs

Laughing and giggling

About things we don’t know

We’re making assumptions

Laughing at people

Making fun at what they do

I look at you with glistening eyes

Happy and laughing 

Like I’ve never laughed before

I enjoy steeling glimpses of you

When you’re not noticing

I’m unable to take my eyes off you

It’s just when I look in your eyes

I see a whole new world that I never knew

It’s when I realize that 

I love you!

You take me out for a drink

We laugh and we giggle again

I ask you to lean forward

To come closer

I have my arm on your shoulder

I’m holding your head in my palm 

I feel your hair going through my fingers

And I’m feeling shy

I lean closer to your ears

And with a shy smile and a blushing face, I whisper:

I love you!

I move away

Still smiling, still blushing 

I finish my drink and I’m happy

You drive me home 

You’re stunned 

You tell me “be safe”

You never show again

I never hear of you again

You never pickup your phone

Years and years later

I’m playing with my daughter 

I’m hugging her, sliding my hand down her hair

I feel her laugh and her joy

She picks a photo of us when we were together

She smiles and asks me:

“Mom, who is that, you’re so happy and smiling with?”

She is the most perfect, happy thing

I hug her close and tight

I look at her father working in his office

I smile with ecstasy and teary eyes

I look back at her and say:

“Honey, he is someone who is now dead to me,

I love you!”

I hold her up 

I walk towards my husband

I kiss him and I hug him and I say 

I love you! 

Just one day I woke up forgetting all about you
I had a life better than what I thought I’d have
I'm happy and I'm never looking back
And whenever I’m asked about who you were; I answer:
He’s just someone who is now dead!

جري الوحوش

اجري، اجري، اجري، اجري

متبوصش وراك

متبوصش قدامك

متتلفتش

متتنفسش

دور زي الطور في الساقية

واعطش وانت شيال المية

ومش عارف ترتوي

اجري لحد ما نعلك يدوب

وكمل جري وانت حافي

متقفش لما رجليك تنزف

انزف لحد اما تبطل تحس بالالم

انزف لحد اما الاحساس يروح

ابقى لوح 

و مع كده، متبطلش تجري

اصل النزيف تكفير ذنوب

فصفي دمك من الهموم

صفيه من الحُرقة والوجع

ده مش دلع

دي محاولة لترجيع الحقوق

بعد السكات على العفن

بعد التفشي في الركام

بعد السُبات، بعد الندم

اجري جري الوحوش

ورا الخلاص المنتظر

بس اوعى توصل

اصلك لو وصلت تموت

ولو وقفت في نص السكة برده تموت

تتفرم تحت الجمال المسرعة

نحو السراب الملحوق

فاجري يا تعيس زي البهايم في القطيع

علشان كده بقى اسمها

جري الوحوش