I felt like writing this piece when I was heading to university today's morning. I had in mind the first stanza; the lines were just there recurring and echoing in my head. I couldn't resist. As soon as I was able to fetch a pen and a paper to write I did, I let my head fantasize and thus creating this piece. My main inspiration was me sitting beside a window, which I opened, and then it was cold and the cold was stinging me but I refused to close the window. I felt then like I was punishing myself. I am always feeling like I'm doing something wrong, there is this insecurity that I have towards whatever I say or even think. I hate it when I dream and I blame myself for somehow I thought of those things that got somehow stored in my unconscious then manifested themselves in my dreams and thus I am a bad person. I'm always in repent and feeling wretched and that's why I get this itching need to write. It's my let out, my salvation from the demons eating me up from the inside. When I write, is like I'm feeding those cries of my mind so that they would stop bothering me. My uncontrollable sense of guilt that I always have made me write this piece. I'm sorry for the very long intro but I just left myself to express what I felt then. Thanks for reading this, whoever is going to.
Walk into the cold
And feel its sting in your skin
Feel it eating up your bones
And crystallizing the blood in your veins
Feel the cold
Stoning your heart,
Burning your eyes,
Deafening your ears,
And freezing your limbs,
Driving you numb;
Out of your mind.
Feel the cold
Rusting your nostrils,
Drying your lungs,
And soring your throat,
Making it impossible to breathe;
Maybe you would even bleed!
Feel the coldness
Of your wretched soul
And plead forgiveness!
Maybe then you'll be cleansed,
Maybe you'll be pure once more
I don't see a need to say why you wrote a particular piece, but it seems you needed to let out a few things.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that this part (from the intro/rant) could be used into a poem. You often write dark, so you won't have a problem with that:
"I'm always in repent and feeling wretched and that's why I get this itching need to write. It's my let out, my salvation from the demons eating me up from the inside. When I write, is like I'm feeding those cries of my mind".
Moving on to the poem itself, I LOVE IT! I know you've heard me say that before, but I have a thing for dark poetry and few people write it well; you're one of those few.
I have some comments (I am me, can't change that, and I think you don't mind O:) )
Stanza 2:
"Out of mind" - I'd rather it were "driving you mad" (if you want to use 'out of mind' then add a pronoun "out of your mind".
Stanza 3:
"And soaring your throat, - should be 'soring' ('soar' is to fly)
Making it impossible to breathe;
Maybe you would bleed!" - I would add 'even' before bleed. Don't ask why - sometimes it's just a feel *blush*
Stanza 4, last line: replace 'go' with 'be'.
I don't know about the picture though. I feel it's lighter than the poem - so I would remove it (could be just me who doesn't use pictures in my posts)
Dark, sad, cold piece. I LOVE IT!
Nada, as much as I laughed on your comments (those in brackets) as much as I like the edits. and I'm glad that you like my dark writings, you're one of the few who do... :D thank you for that :)
Deleteas for the picture, I know it's lighter than the poem but It's like my thing that i have to make a connection to a visual display. if I removed the picture I'd feel like removing a line :) but i'll be searching for a better, darker display :D