A quick glare
A slight glimpse of white light
A flash
Swift and graceful
A little lamp swinging
A wooden, ancient lantern
Hush, hush, he’s coming
Jump into the waters,
HIDE!
A young man walks by the evils lurking within
A tree
Standing alone
Roots swarming deep down
Feeding on green men
Dead
A glance
A flare
A tail jumping in the air
The baffled man approaches the edge
Slowly
The roots keep stretching in
The lantern swinging
The light colors the dark, greenish waters
A wondrous creature emerges
They are hiding,
Eavesdropping
Beneath the graves
Waiting
A new victim
A new kill
“Your lantern is wondrous”
“Your locks are bewildering”
She jumps, flies, flares
Fire work of art she creates
Far away she swims
And down his feet she emerges
He leans
The lantern rests on its feet
Their eyes travel to Venus
And travel back
A dream promised
Ripped off
Roots swarming
Branches growing
Intertwining
Black roses bloom
Then fall to the waters…
Poison!
Eyes of innocence
Dreams of salvation,
Of legs wide spread
Of trees climbed
And sand tickling baby toes
Newly grown, soft and tender
Pink as cats’ paws
A sting
A prickle
A scream of treachery
Her locks falling
Endlessly!
The roots rolling back
The branches growing longer!
The water disturbed and angry
Her skin falling
Non-stop!
The tip where she emerged
Piling over her bones
Her skull protruding
Like those of men she killed
The "puzzled" man stands
The lantern swings away
The light goes off
A different ending for their day!
Her friends grunting
At him walking with his crime
Hoping there could have been another ending
For their dreams they saw die
They thought they would grow legs
As "true love" comes by
But alas!
She only died!
At first I didn't get the poem, but on a second reading I realised you reversed what would have normally been the expected outcome, making the man the evil one.
ReplyDeleteI don't like the use of "little man", it indicates someone who is a dwarf, not a young one. I also felt using imagery and idea from "The Raisin in the Sun" were a bit forced here. Meaning, the poem flowed on its own without the included idea of the raisin and its drying up and so on. I think that's what caused the confusion the first time I read it.
I did like, however, how the story has a beginning, middle, climax/reversal and end. That was nicely done in poetic form. I liked how you changed the outcome of the man's death to the girl's, that was nicely thought of. People would write a full novel to do that ;)
Keep on writing and hope to see you take part in Takhayyal again soon :)