Jealousy...Blessing?!...NAH...

The truth to be told, I'm one of the most jealous people I've known in my life. Not that I'm an expert in knowing my own character, 'cause I'm so ignorant about myself, but I can only say this...I'm fanatically, annoyingly jealous.

It's not something that makes me proud or makes anyone proud. I mean…it shouldn't it's not something that anyone would walk around people and brag about it. For me it's one of the weakest points. It makes me vulnerable and over sensitive, in case I need it 'cause I'm already sensitive enough that I'd explode at any time just like a time bomb, it would swipe me off my feet and make a  sworn enemy out of a friend just in a blink of an eye.

I know that no one would actually care enough to read this but I'm writing it because I need to recognize it myself. I need to slap me at the face, shake myself and scream at myself and say wake up and ditch that illogical hatred that is devouring you. Ignoring the fact that I've already done it before and it was of NO use at all, but it managed actually to make me feel worse about myself. It's so bad when you just hate someone just because you are jealous of him or her…it happened with me a couple of times and repent and regret doesn't work as self-conciliation.

Jealousy can be good at times, for example, it's good to be jealous on your family members. It's also good to be jealous on your mate or couple, not in a suffocating way though. It's also good to be jealous; the kind of jealousy that will push you forward and make you achieve higher goals than your imagination would have solely reached. But is it a blessing…NO, IT'S DEFINITELY A CURSE. Out of jealousy you can be driven to the extent of manipulating your friends, lie to them, use them and eventually you'll have a reputation. It can be suffocating, burning, causing your head to go far beyond the normal thought on how to manipulate that someone of whom you're jealous, like I do sometimes. Still, it's not something that I brag about but yet I need to say it, to acknowledge it, and finally get rid of it. It can stimulate that devil that we all struggle to suppress just in a matter of seconds.

The reason I'm writing this is because I know that I'm not alone in this, or at least not to feel alone in this. These things I wrote would change my picture in front of many of my friends. It may also drive some to re-consider being my friend. But to those who really know who I am they'll also know how to help me get through this. It's good to know your faults and your weak points in order to correct them in the future, that's why I chose that name for my blog; Between The Past and The Future. Everyone should learn from his mistakes, I should learn from my mistakes. Learning is not easy and you know the saying: half way to cure is diagnosis.